New Nokia 3310, genius or ludicrous?

New Nokia 3310, genius or ludicrous? by Robert Putt | Posted on 02/03/2017 | Leave a comment A few days ago my other better half was most excited to tell me the joyful news that some random company somewhere was “bringing back the Nokia 3310” and initially I thought, well thats kind of cool as a nastolgic kind of idea, but then after reading the hype online I soon turned to think its an awful idea and a cash cow. The damn thing is going to retail for around £35… £35 for a feature phone are you having a laugh?

Anyway since then I have heard alot of stuff about the new release specially as my generation where around in the highlight of the 3310, here is what I’ve been hearing along with my thoughts…

  • It looks like a classic Nokia 3310, how cool! - Sure this is kind of nice I guess, but you’ll soon get annoyed with the lack of screen size and clunky buttons I am sure.
  • The Nokia 3310 was the best phone I ever owned! - Hang on a minute, you’d probably say that about your first car too, just because of your fond memories of loosing your virginity on the back seat at the age of 17 and having a “burn up with your mates” in the local industrial estate after dark, the reality is living with that car today would be really shit, even if you retrofitted a CD player.
  • But the battery will last for ever… - Yep the battery life is nice, specially if you want a 2G phone for your latest hiking adventure which will last more than 7 hours to airlift you to safety when you freeze at 2 in the morning, or if you want a burner phone to smuggle into prison and you didn’t fancy wedging that horrible 3 pin charger up your butt, but lets look at the reality, is super long battery life really worth loosing all the features you love today and £35? If you want a phone which will still send an SMS and make a phone call after 2 and a half days of being powered on without a charge check out other feature phones which are out there, they are just as bad as the 3310 remake without the nastolgic 3310 case, but only £5 (see here if your interested).
  • They’ve pimped it with a colour screen! - Damn, so orginally I was sold on the nostolgia, but now it’s just a standard feature phone in a 3310 case, if you really wanna be part of the cool kids buy an original Nokia 3310 off of eBay and get a new battery for it, then you really get my respect.
  • It would be good to escape my smart phone and have a simpler phone. - Sure, I understand your motivation here, smart phones are a big drain on your time and they interupt everything with their notifications, apps and short battery life. But there are much cheaper feature phones out there so you may as well save £30 in the process and buy something else to entertain you with the lack of apps / internet / anything useful other than calling your mum on your new handset.
  • SNAKE - Damn, you aren’t gonna enjoy this new snake, its on a colour screen, in the pre-release videos it seems to behave differently to the original snake, and don’t you remember how fustrating it was when you mis-pushed one of those crappy rubbery buttons and your snake ran into the side of the screen after you’d carefully curated the spiral of doom for the last 2 minutes of your life? Trust me, everything is capable of running a snake like game these days, you really don’t need a 3310 remake with a snake remake on it to enjoy a worm based, dot eating time filler.

My verdict…

If you want it because it looks like a 3310, fine, for any other reason do not buy this phone.

What do I recommend instead?

If you live within reasonably easy access to a power socket (and lets face it most of us do) then for the same money as the 3310 remake you can buy a really low end Android phone which will do most stuff you want day to day like calling, SMS, normally a pretty crappy camera and it’ll run some of the not so fancy Android apps so atleast you’ll be able to check up on the awful lives of your friends on Facebook or Tweet photos of your dog licking icecream off of it’s nose. – Yep they really are available for the same price as the 3310 remake: Cheap Android Phone

If you need a phone that will last for a few days and be reliable for making calls and SMS then checkout cheaper feature phones which as proven above start from just £5, with the £30 saving you can go and enjoy yourself. – Cheap Feature Phone

If you want a phone with good battery life and smart phone features… Sorry your out of luck, get a time machine and bring some future batteries back with you please, we’d really like to know how they work! – Time Machine

And lastly, when should you buy a 3310 remake? Well if you want something that looks like a 3310 to take on your trip to some beach in Thailand to “find yourself” and you are living on the generous donations of mummy and daddy to waste away your gap year at uni then sure… Blow yourself away and get the 3310 remake if that’s your kind of thing. – Nokia 3310 Remake, of course if you are the real mccoy you’d look around Amazon used section, eBay or even your own drawer of crap at home to find an original Nokia 3310 in all it’s early 2000s glory.

By @Robert Putt in
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